Okay, so this is how it starts… You need ties for the plants in your garden. They are getting unruly. The offenders shall be dealt with swiftly. This is no land for outlaws, peace will soon be returned to your kingdom! (sorry, flashback from last night’s Game of Thrones)
Soooooo anyway, you find yourself a nice long piece of knit fabric to cut into strips. ”Yes, this one shall do nicely…bwahhhh haaahaaahaaa.” Seriously, I spend too much time talking to myself.
You find a flat surface…uh, I mean you clear a flat surface. You find the “good” shears, you know the ones…they don’t snag the fabric every inch or so and they have never been used to cut cardboard or baggie ties… yeah, that pair.
You make the first cut into the virgin fabric…ahhhh, yes, that IS satisfying. The first couple of strips, you proceed carefully, they are all straight and parallel. The next couple of strips, you start to feel that this may not be the gleeful afternoon’s entertainment that it first seemed. Some of the strips are a little narrow in places. “That’s okay, I can straighten the lines out on the next couple strips. It will be fine…” you say to the housefly sitting on the corner of the table watchfully tracking your progress. The fly seems unconvinced, but you proceed resolute that you can prove the arrogant little bastard wrong.
Several more strips and you realize that the piece you have left to cut is starting to look like a colossal piece of elbow macaroni. No matter. A few more. You start to rationalize that the plants won’t care what the strips look like. In apparent frustration, the housefly leaves. “Good! Go! I’m better off without you!” You start to wonder if that beer you had at lunch might have been ill considered. Then you start to think about running with scissors… Who would know? Oh right, that damn fly! You get off that train of thought at the first available stop. Right, fabric… As you proceed, you care less and less about what they look like, you just want to get the damn things done now.
Finally! The last one… You survey your work. The first half of them are rather nice, you grin. The grin fades to a half smile as you see that several of them look like 1940’s pinups. Curvy is in though, right? Your forehead wrinkles a little as you see that the last half dozen look like the ZZ Top logo and you have a piece left over that look roughly like the state of Tennessee. How did that happen? Of well…off to the garden…
You’ve all been there…right? Hmmmm, maybe it’s just me…